Hi followers! Today, I wanted to share what I have been going through and the reason I have not posted in a while. I have been under a great deal of stress, particularly in the past two months. The past week or so has been the worst. You see, in October of 2020, my company started laying off students and announced several potential position changes/losses. As an instructor on a term position, I was nervous. That is putting it lightly. My husband is a pilot and we had already been through major changes with him pivoting to an old career and no end in sight to the chaos and destruction created by this pandemic. I have feared for my home and my family’s future since March of 2020, but it really hit in October. I have worked hard to keep positive and stay above water, but have struggled many times. My husband was watching his dream job slip away for the second time in his life and he was just going through the motions.
I am sure many people have been going through something similar. A way of life is changing. We will not go back to that life again, despite what we might believe. It will be different, even in small ways. Some are still coming to terms with that, and I understand how devastating that might be for many. This world is changing. Is it for the better? In some ways, I would say that it is. In others, not so much. I love connecting with friends who live scattered around the globe because we took the time to figure it out (or Zoom did). I have a group of friends I met in Yellowknife who connect through Zoom now when nobody had thought to do that before. I love that. On the other hand, one of those friends lived 40 minutes away for months and I was unable to visit as we were both being cautious. Now she is in the US and visiting is not as easy.
This pandemic has brought stress in many other ways as well. I love to bake for others, but have reduced my baking because I do not want to make someone feel awkward if they are not comfortable receiving freshly baked good from my home. I understand their concerns and would never want to add more stress to anyone at this point. This baking would then stay in my house and add to my waistline or waste bin. Neither were options I was willing to consider.
I tried to work through my stresses in a few ways:
- I went to a therapist to work through some trauma I faced in childhood that I found coming out in my heightened state.
- I started making and sending cards more regularly.
- I joined a card swap with two lovely ladies I work with to help us all stay creative.
- I connected through Zoom with a few friends.
- I worked on eating well.
- I read every day to keep my mind sharp.
- I made sure I did 10,000 steps a day.
- I started working on my business.
- I joined Growthday, a personal development program to direct some of my energy.
- I was supporting friends going through more challenging things.
All these things helped for a while. I was moving through life okay; some might say I was doing well, considering everything going on. Then my position came up for competition. I will explain briefly. I was on a term which was ending, and I had to compete to win it again. I had won in twice before, but it was becoming permanent which would mean no more uncertainty. This was a really big deal, and I knew there would be a lot of candidates. It turns out there were top candidates.
I was more stressed than I think I have ever been. I was going through so many emotions that I was unable to process any of them. I also started to go back into the office. That stress was hard because I hadn’t been there since March 13, 2020. Then my husband found out he was going back to flying. That was exciting, but not being immersed in it for 18 months was overwhelming for him. Trying to relearn something that was a part of him through and through was challenging. Our daughter was gearing up to start kindergarten at the end of August and had to take a bus. Our dog was out of sorts because her people were radiating stress.
Almost all the things I was doing to help me cope fell away. I couldn’t keep up with my exercise and didn’t want to eat well. I wanted to indulge. I did and I gained 20 pounds in two months. I stopped the personal development and any sort of reading or creating. I stopped connecting and I let my business go to the wayside. I felt everything slipping away, but could not get clear enough to focus on any one thing. Our house turned into a disaster zone, and I stopped looking after myself. I couldn’t release the stress because I needed to stay strong for my family. The problem was that not looking after myself create a domino effect at home. My daughter was acting out more, but was unable to explain what was bothering her. My husband felt more stress because he was spending on hotels for training while not bringing in the income he had been.
I bring this to light because I think we have all gone through stress. We have all been in a place where stress has overwhelmed us. Your stress may have been from something far worse than what I have gone through, or you might be thinking that your stress was not as bad. I believe that we should not compare ourselves and our feelings to others. If you have been lucky enough to have lived a relatively stress-free life and something minor in the eyes of your peers or the public has thrown you for a loop, you are just as entitled to feel your stress as anyone. We all go through life with our own perspective and your feelings are just as real as the person next to you. If you are exhausted and do not have children, you are allowed to complain without having your exhaustion be diminished by someone with children. Perspective is the key, and you need to be able to get help when you feel you need it, not when someone else validates your struggles.
I know now that I need to focus on a stress plan. I need to make a list of things that bring me joy and keep it handy. If I go down that negative tunnel, I need to go to that list and pick one thing to bring me back. One thing to centre me and make me grateful. In those moments of high anxiety there is no space to make the list. It needs to be created early. Do you have a list? Are you willing to share some of your centring strategies?
P.S. I got the job! I was told it was a great interview and I know that all the work I put into it paid off.
P.P.S My husband passed his simulator test!
